Note to Plagiarizers, this is ORIGINAL CONTENT! COPYRIGHT 2009 -WWW.HORNYODA.COM
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Hello and welcome!
Now, let me make something very clear. I'm here for three reasons:
- I'm tired of women complaining that they can't find quality men to fuck on the side.
- I'm tired of hearing men complain they can't find quality women to fuck on the side.
- Make some $$ part time helping solve these two problems and I deserve every dime because I help people have happier, healthier sex lives.
Porn, Cybersex, phonesex, hot chat, videosex is for losers!! I get it, its 2 am, your horny, whats a guy to do? Unless you have a list of hot momma's who's husbands work "graveyard" and know where to go to chat and hook up.
But, I'm not into that late night fucking as much anymore. When I was younger - and stupid, its amazing how we'll bend ass over backwards to get some pussy...at least that is what my friends had to do. But...I digress...
Geezeee Dude, keep it in your pants for now. Nobody wants to see that, and married women generally are not interested in becoming part of your private porn collection. (well, most anyway, some love it and want to be seen!)
This isn't a ficken porn site or blog. You're here because you want to stop looking at porn and get your hands on a real live, horny woman that wants to ruin you for other women by blowing your mind with outstanding sex.
(You think I'm kidding? You are a dumb ass, no wonder you can't get laid.
Let me guess, you fuck chicks that just lay there, or suck your cock so fast and hard you'd think they were on the clock (oops, well, you really need to pay more if your going that route, you should never have to PAY for sex, (its illegal in most places anyway), because, you can't afford a good fuck that way anyway.
Thats a rich dudes play, and even then - there is an ego side to getting fucked that is AWESOME. You think you have to be a ripped gym toting eye candy to get some? Yea, the last thing any woman wants is to have to compete with some "hot" dude.
Listen up dumb as, I've already revealed some secrets you outta be paying me for. I need to put a "Tip" link on my website. Damm'it - Monica - will you let me finish editing my fucking blog! (They are soo fucking eager to please, you have no idea, which is WHY I am here to help.)
Dam I like it when she does that, so few men get to experience that and Monica, well, her husband is an ass, and doesn't treat her well, so part of her "thing" is doing things for me, that she won't do for me, and he's a clueless selfish bastard, but he makes good money (probably banging his secretary), but what do I care?
I'm happy, she's happy and well, he's happy. (Boy would he be pissed if he could see how she is worshipping me while I work!)
Yea, I'm a jerk and asshole. Deal with it. Oddly enough I treat women with the respect they deserve and want. Sometimes they don't want to be treated with respect - and I KNOW when that is and isn't.
I'm the dude that was fucking your hot girlfriend in highschool and college while you learning "the missionary position". You have no idea how hot, and horny your girl was. I kept my mouth shut... but she...didn't (evil cheezy grin).
So, now it's your turn to wake your ass up and start having some of the hottest sex of your life. I could give a rats ass if your married, single, separated or divorced. The world is a better place when folks are fucking and getting satisfied.
Woa...Monica - fuck girl, where'd you learn to do that? No shit, wow, I need to keep an eye on the woman's mags at the grocery store!
You just have to adore and eat the pussy of a woman that studies men and can't wait to try new things out on you week to week. You think you'd get this kind of action from some single bitch? Hell no.
Why? Because she's looking for a relationship. She may put out, if and when you pass all her dumb ass tests, and then she'll spend the rest of your life turning you into her girlfriend. Once you're her girlfriend, she'll start looking for someone like me to fuck her right (make love to her in ways she's never experienced before), she'll have your ass in divorce court and half your assets before you know it.
I'll do a single woman - sometimes just to prove to myself how hot, eager and horny a lonely housewife is. Married women are fucking amazing. Older married women are what you young bucks should be banging - they can teach you how to satisfy that young single "chick" your nailing - you know the one, she's either laying their expecting you to get all into her because she's so "hot", or she's faking it all like some porn star on that lest $3.99 video she watched thinking that is what men want.
Well, we do want that, but really we want to "see" that while some other things are going on. But that is a lesson for another time.
Ok, gotta go, this last part was part of my edit, I had to reschedule my lunch at the "Y", but Monica has more than made up for my PRO-BONO - time spent with you jerk offs here.
Its hard being me. I'm 45 years old and I've been enjoying the pleasures of women since I was 14. I'm clean, disease free and have few regrets. I never thought I knew anything special and I always wondered why my buddies had such a hard time hooking up.
Over the years I started asking women about why I was different, what they liked about me. I'm not anyone special in the looks department. I'm not bad looking. So why in the world would a rich, sexy "can have any dude she wanted", get on her knees to worship me?
Good question. No, you won't get that information for free. I'm writing a simple "how to" guide for men. Single, married, divorced, name it. Frankly, all the information is already written and out there, along with a bunch of bullshit.
There are seveal things you will need to do to stay in the loop.
- Follow me on twitter. I don't send out a lot of tweets, but when I do, you'll want to be on that list.
- Setup a free e-mail account at google or yahoo just for your naughtiness. I'll have a security section on how not to be a dumb ass and get caught (for men & women - women are pretty good at these things because men are so fricken arrogant and stupid.)
- Subscribe to this Blog, I will most likely post question/answers when I'm in the mood to help folks out. What to do if your dick is getting limp/soft? Welcome to your 30's and 40's, Viagra isn't the solution you want for rock hard cock. I'll be posting tips and links and eventually publish something to help out the limp dicks of the world. I've been there, pissed me off to wake up one day and things just were not as they should be. I fixed it, took a few weeks, all good now, in fact better than before.
- I screened a "hookup" site for you - go get signed up - www.hornyoda.com will autolink you there.
You need a site that isn't adultfriendfinder, everyone, including your spouse goes there to see if you're cheating. (Some people are so stupid), its not that you can't get laid there, it is just there are so many weirdos both men and women that it's tough. I've banged some good pussy there when they first got started. I'm a bit lazy to begin with. No, the site I found for you, go get it. www.hornyoda.com
NOW LISTEN UP - When you sign up - drop me an e-mail with your transaction #, and when I publish my eBook, I'll send you a copy. Why? Listen don't be stupid - I make money when you go sign up through my link. I deserve it, and I'll even teach you how to make money to if you'd like. You cheat me out of a hard earned affiliate commission, you get what you deserve - NOTHING. You take care of me, I'll take care of you with what I know. Simple aye?
Now before you got there - I'll give you a tip, when you hit the membership button, go to close your browser and wait for the pop up. You'll get 5 free days instead of 1. There, a 500% freebie from your HornYoda. Don't be a dumb ass online. Dumb asses don't get no ass. Whenever you shop online, always, always, always go to close the window to see if there is a "Special" offer.
I'll share more tips and tricks to my paid followers in the future. Probalby cut your costs in half, and save you 20% up front. You fuckers will owe me, do you hear me, you will fucking owe me for all the great pussy you'll be pounding.
You women will owe me too. I wonder if I should start a HornYoda Certified male program, that way you lovely, lonely, horny housewives can be sure the dude has a baseline understanding of how to keep his fricken mouth shut, how to handle is emotions so when you blow his fucking mind and ruin his sorry ass for the single dumb as bitchs that don't know how to take care of a man, you won't have a stalker or whiny puppy dog following your cute ass around.
I should be charging for this blog.
Well, its almost noon, and I am going to be late fore an appointment to dine at the "Y".
Listen up you lazy mother fuckers, if you don't like eating pussy, you had better acquire a taste for it. A woman can get a dick anywhere, even from the bottom section of her refrigerator. You want that nice, eager, hot mouth around your rod...right?
You want her to take her time...right?
You want her to do all those things she reads about in how to blow a mans mind in bed - right?
You want her to do things to and for you that her ol man isn't getting - right? Well, why do you think that dumb ass isn't getting his wife's best stuff?? (Like he use to?)
Appreciation - pure and simple. How can you appreciate you "friends" with benefits? Wake up and realize - its a friendship. If she wanted "out" she'd be out, and she doesn't need another fucking dumb as husband. She already has one of those.
She needs to be cherrished and appreciated - and you can whip out your tongue and blow her fucking mind by taking your time, finding out what her "things" are and then being that.
Some of those little vixens want to be fucked - and fucked hard. Some want to be "put in their place" because their husbands turned into little boys (just what she needs, another little fucking boy to take are of), NO, so she wants a man to be manly, take her, handle her...force her (you better fucking be careful with that, and I'll share how to protect yourself there, if she has "rape" fantacies - most do - you better be e-mailing that shit and get a mutually signed consent form or you may find your sorry ass in jail!!
AND DON'T BE LIKE THAT DUMB ASS IN CALIFORNIA - and went into the wrong room and raped the wrong woman!! What a fricken mess that was. Like I said, people are stupid. If its between consenting adults - it's all good. You cross that line, then you get what you deserve - 10 to 20, and maybe medical sterilation/castration - which means your pecker won't be bugging nobody again. Be smart.
If your into that weird and kinky shit - establish and honor a "safe word", you know, when either of you say it - it means "stop", and then honor that.
FUCK, I'm late and she just paged me. I am giving up some first class pussy to help you fuckers out. I'm going to reschedule for later today. Its ok, my little "kitten" will wait for me.
I'm not so much into the whole domination thing, but its fun, I have diverse interests.
About relationships - that is a whole different thing. This is about sex - without strings. Your all fricken adults and nobody "owns" anyone.
Hell, a good lover on the side would save 80% of marriages that go to divorce if people would fricken grow the hell up. So, yea, HornYoda has has relationship advice as well. But that is for another time.
Go do me a favor, go get signed up on the Married Dating website link I scoped out for you. Follow my advice. If there are no "women" in your area, subscribe anyway.
WHY?
WHY?
You are dumb ass arn't you? Do you think women seeking discrete relationships let you find them, no - dumb ass, they find you. If you are not there to be found, you're out of luck.
I'll teach you some stratgies whereby you can go "hunt" in your backyard and bang those sexy neighbors you've always wanted to nail. Nothing is better than nailing your neighbors - quietly and discretely.
Listen when people are fucking and having great sex, everyone in an area is happier!
If you ain't getting any? You had better fuck'n be practicing every day. (Rosy Palmer, you know her, right? Should of met somewhere around age 10 to 12, if not get your head out of your ass.)
You'd train for any sport, but you won't train for the pleasures of your life? I can see I have my fucking work cut out for me. Dude, you gotta train. You gotta get to know your body.
Two things will happen if you don't train. You'll discover - your junk won't always work for you. That always is embarassing when that happens. If your junk is working, you'll fuck it up and bam, its all over and you'll never get to experience what she was ready to do to you.
Why, because you don't have a game plan, your strategy is about as sophisticated as a dog smelling some bitch in heat. Yea, that is what most women put up with. It is stunning how few women have ever had an orgasm.
I am always stunned when I do a married woman, or a woman in a comitted relationship and they are in tears over the their "first orgasm", yea, any dumb as can take a virgin out for a spin, but it seems there are few men that know how to get a woman off.
Sad, I mean, really sad. Women - you gotta to get to know your own body too.
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